Moving Can Have Short and Long-Term Impacts on Your Children; Here’s How to Help Them Through It
Moving is categorized as a major, stressful life change, often bringing about similar stress and emotional responses as losing a family member, changing jobs, or experiencing financial hardship. Adults who have moved know just how difficult the transition to a new home can be, but children experiencing a major move for the first time will be in completely uncharted water. Adjusting to a new bedroom, neighborhood, and even a new school can be difficult emotionally, socially, and even developmentally.
In order to best support your children through a move, whether it’s to a new city, state, or country, you have to step into their shoes and look at the situation through their eyes. With a bit of preemptive preparation and monitoring of your child after the move, you can help ensure they adjust quickly and easily.
Expect Communication Challenge
When adults move or experience major changes, they are able to communicate their feelings and struggles with ease. Knowing how to put words to feelings is not a skill most children have fully developed, especially elementary school-aged children or babies and toddlers. When they experience stress and anxiety, instead of being able to share their struggles, they may lash out, misbehave, or have emotional reactions. All of this is perfectly normal during times of transition, but you will need to anticipate their needs and monitor their well-being very closely.
The Social Impact of Moving
Leaving behind neighborhood friends and classmates can be challenging for your little one. They’ve spent time building and cultivating relationships with the people that are around them on a regular basis, and starting over socially is a lot of work. Babies and toddlers likely won’t be as impacted socially as older kids because their ability to form long–term memories is still developing, but preschoolers through high school-aged kids will face social difficulties when moving.
A sense of community is so important in childhood development, and making friends is one of the quintessential aspects of going to school. In order to help your child transition socially, be sure to get them involved in extracurricular activities in your new city. Whether through school or the community, being proactive about helping them build new friendships and find a sense of belonging will pay off in the long run.
Moving and Developmental Challenges
When you first settle into your new home, your child may experience some behavioral or developmental setbacks. For instance, a potty-trained toddler may start wetting the bed at night or having more frequent accidents during the day. Many regressions experienced by children during stressful times are temporary and will resolve on their own. Give them time to adjust, be patient with them through the challenges, and in no time at all, you’ll notice they regain the developmental progress they once had.
School-aged children can find it difficult to keep up in a new educational setting. Perhaps your child excelled at their old school but seems to be struggling in their new school. Trying to build a relationship with new students and a new teacher can feel all-consuming to a child, making it hard to focus academically. If possible, try and avoid moving during the school year and opt for a summer move instead. This way, your child will be experiencing the transition during a time when all the other children are also transitioning to a new class.
If you’re unable to move with the school calendar in mind, try and meet with your child’s new teacher before they start school. Allowing your child to be introduced to their teacher beforehand can bring a lot of comfort and ease on their first day in a new classroom. Additionally, opening a line of communication with their teacher as a parent can help you stay connected to how they are adjusting academically and socially to the new classroom.
Your Child’s Emotions and Moving
Moving can bring up many emotions, in children and adults alike. Your child may be excited to move and showcase signs of wanting to live in a new house, but once you get there, they may start to pull back, struggle with the adjustment, and have emotions that feel all over the place. It’s not abnormal for children to be withdrawn during transitional times; they have a lot to process internally. If not withdrawn, you may notice that your child has more temper tantrums or fits over insignificant things. In reality, those fits may be due to the move, but misdirected at smaller instances that happen throughout the day.
Older children and teens may be angry about an upcoming move, feeling as if you have betrayed them by making them move. This is another normal reaction in pre-teen and teen children. After spending years building a community and making friends, starting over late in childhood can feel impossible and frustrating. You’ll likely notice extra frustration and anger that is directed at you. Even though your kids might be older, they still need your love and patience to help them navigate the situation. Despite any anger that they direct at you, they still need to be met with love and compassion as they adjust.
Patience and Understanding Will Go a Long Way
Moving can be challenging for adults, too. Starting a new job, unpacking an entire home, and getting your family settled in a new city are often overwhelming. As you’re dealing with challenges in your own life, you’ll need to be extra compassionate toward your children who are trying to adapt. By listening to their emotions, understanding uncharacteristic outbursts, and helping them adjust, you’ll find much more success in the transition than if you meet them with anger, frustration, and no support.
Have Fun with Your Move
Instead of seeing the move as a daunting, scary obstacle, try to frame it in your own mind as a new, exciting adventure. Go out as a family to explore new restaurants, parks, and activities in your new hometown. If you have fun with it and walk through the challenges together, your kids are likely to follow suit. With time, you will settle into your new home and the ache for what you used to know will fade. The same is true for your children.
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